The Remnants of the Broken Heart

He came. He left. Nothing else had changed. I had not changed. The world hadn’t changed. Yet nothing would be the same. All that remains is dreammaking and strange remembrance.” — CMBYN, André Aciman

just another mere evidence, that emotions can truly devastate an individual into oblivion.

following lie the remnants of the broken heart…

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today i tried to cry.. I couldn’t.

I tried. With all emotions. It won’t happen.

Then a part of me searched for the area that used to care about you, it failed.

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sometimes i feel like our emotions repeat on a loop. we do the same things, and not even realise it. It’s intoxicating, how we make fool of ourselves every time, yet pretend to be contented. It’s hardly unfair too, if you ask me.

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I cried, and then, I flew

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Life is full of many emotions experienced every now and then. But Sadness, is the most beautiful. Because happiness comes and goes. It’s the sadness which stays. Deep inside.

There’s a beauty in sadness. In crying your emotions out. In reimagining all the memories. It’s a solid form of art. Always beautiful enough to make you feel good in the end.

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It’s crazy how much we pour ourselves into each other and then say goodbye.

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Writing is my release.

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I want someone to sit by my side, as I slowly pour myself out…

// It’s crazy how much we pour ourselves into each other and then say goodbye

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This morning, music saved me. And it was not only this morning, I cannot even get started on all those times where music saved my life.

After waking up, I saw a lot of him that would’ve broken me. A text, a picture and so much more.

But thankfully there was one text which redeemed me. And then the music I put on, saved me.

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Even though my heart is shattering into million pieces everyday, I like to keep the hope of healing someday.

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The point is you know deep down, that love isn’t an illusion. It’s the most strongest feeling present on this planet.

And how do you know that? Because you felt it. You felt it every time you were in his arms, you felt it even when you were at different places – you felt it when he left you.

And just because you’re hurting, doesn’t mean you’ll despise every thing about love.

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Heartbreaks, truly makes you realise the feeling of being in love…

// Loving someone, also involves a lot of hurting, and that’s one of the reasons why love is the most powerful emotion any human could ever experience.

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I know how I’ve stopped myself from falling onto him yesterday… how I stop myself everyday. Because even though it was good, it wasn’t enough for him. And going back, to put the amour propre aside again- is something that’d destroy me.

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Ego, rules. 

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some songs work as a trigger mechanism on me, they do wonders these ecstasy pills won’t do for shit. sometimes it’s the music, sometimes the lyrics and sometimes just a song on your playlist. i don’t think of you anymore. but now that i want to, no part of me is embracing it. its not happening, where are you? i am trying hard. and tonight, i’ll keep trying.

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I gotta say a lot can happen in 2-3 days. Well a lot did. I realised that healing isn’t a a month and a half procedure. But in fact it can take much longer. What I mean to say is, I knew this was a fact but I think un-consciously I didn’t really accept it.

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at night, i weeknd and lana del rey.

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You lost a precious diadem, only you realised it months later

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I think a part of me would always care. Because as much as I want to deny any of it was good after hearing his harsh words, I know deep down it was absolutely beautiful too, at times, at least for me.

But I know for sure, this time I’ll go forward with my decision, and not turn back. Because this time, the words and realisation cut me up like a sword. The cut being deep. The wound that’d burn like the hell’s fury for days or even weeks. And maybe even worse, for months. But the kind where the healing would be so powerful- that it’d lead to light. And that you’d never turn back.

And I know this will be hard. There would be days when I’d be crying my eyes out, though after all these days it’s less likely to happen.

But I know, deep down and even up front, that it’s for my own good.

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Why do I think so much? “Dude you always over-think / over-analyse”

Well at-least this time it’s bringing me close to redemption.

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The thing about lessons is rather amusing if you look at it from all different angles. It teaches you, it makes you aware of different situations, it may haunt you or it might simply not be a thing that you were ready to digest. 

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There is a strong possibility that my loyalty towards the one person went in vain. I think I was cheated on. And the only question is, does loyalty ever matter in this world? Well it’s so hard to admit things to oneself. This definitely made me doubt my ability to give anyone my 100% the next time.

Looks like the devil now-a-days, has started wearing sober masks. And perhaps that is why it’s hard to determine when it falls off. 

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Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t always like this, it’s the inferno of the world that made me this…

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Why is autumn so beautiful yet everything dies?

Because what’s cold is generally beautiful

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The reality was, I was still accepting my mistakes of the past. Even I did make some mistakes. And I accepted them. Then and now. The reason I didn’t wanna talk about all of it was, I knew what it’d lead to, good or bad. I was convinced I didn’t want a part of it. It was something that’d break me all over again and start something all over again. And I made a promise to myself, to completely let go. Because damn, I don’t want to be a part of someone’s seasonal happiness and then get left behind when the winter comes. It breaks me. I’ve let it break me several times already. I don’t wanna be a part of any type of friendship that’d cause tumour right to my brain.

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They are like a statue, on the outside, all fierce mature looks but on the inside – empty. 

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@itsa2amgrunge 

 

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